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Dealing with the other woman

Published by on December 21st, 2019.

By Yetunde Arebi


So, I have a few elderly women I hang out with sometimes. I enjoy their company a lot, each woman comes with a bagful of experiences spanning decades and their relevance still so pungent now. One particular woman stands tall amongst these women.

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The craziest of them, there is no dull moment if in her company. Auntie Suzzy retired from the Federal Civil Service at directorate level and had worked with both military and Civilian leaders, and could give you some wild behind the scene gist that you’ll probably not get from anyone else.

So dramatic, Auntie Suzzy once told us of how she persuaded a doctor to get rid of an unwanted pregnancy by telling him she had slept with many men and did not know who the father was, even though she was a married woman.

At a recent hangout, Auntie Suzzy sent all reeling with laughter when she gave us a lecture on how we must keep our husbands beside us, by whatever means, including acting out scripts way out of Nollywood league. Her latest expose would double you over with laughter too, just as I’m sure you will pick a lesson from her story.

“In dealing with the other woman, a wife has to think with her head, rather than her emotions, most of the time. She has to be smart, intelligent and a bit conniving. Wisdom is more profitable, as they say, in this matter. If as a woman, you think that since you have dragged your husband to the court or church and he has sworn to be faithful to you before God and man, then the contract is binding and he will keep to that vow, you need to rethink, my sister. There are men who can do it, but they are very few. Many can boast in the public that they are faithful but when cornered, you will find out who they really are.

Most of those you think are not into    other women, only appear so because they are very discreet about their affairs, you will be damned when they are caught and the game is over. That is why stories about the infidelity of Pastors and Clerics shocks people. These are people we have already placed on a high pedestal, believing that they have overcome the lure of such human weaknesses. The truth however, is that they are human and only God knows for a fact, who His servants are.

It is only in this world that one can tell people that you slept in heaven last night, God took you on a tour of heaven and hell fire and all sorts, We believe them only because we have faith in God and His words, not that we have faith in the people saying those words. The man, as created by God is a polygamous being. He is biologically composed to be a carrier of seeds to be planted in the world. To achieve this, he need to distribute the seeds. Women are his farmland where he must plant his several millions of seed. However, society tames him to curb how he sows his seed, and forces him to stick with one woman for a period, or for a lifetime. And this applies especially to us Christians. That is why, what we have in most marriages is hypocrisy.

A man marries one woman and must sticks with her all his life, while dumping his remaining seeds on many other woman all his lifetime. Meanwhile, most of the wives are aware of their husband’s escapades, even his children know, and ditto many of their friends and relatives. So, this is what a lucky woman will get, a man who has self respect and values for his wife, family and the oaths he took before God and man, who will not in the process of planting his other seeds, willingly jeopardise the wellbeing of his wife and children. This means that he will be discreet with his affairs and will always be ready to dump them for the sake of his family, name and status. Only when mistakes such as pregnancies occurs and the ladies refuses to terminate them, will their covers be blown. Men who stick their affairs in the faces of their wives, family and friends are simply irresponsible.

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As a wife, you need native intelligence to survive and even win some of your challenges. How you respond to the issue of his extra marital affairs may make or mar your marriage. Many women have ruined their otherwise happy homes and relationships with their overbearing jealousy, uncontrollable tongues and actions, only for the woman they are angry over to gain an edge over them or even become permanent fixtures in their families.

Most men will drop the women outside once they have reason to suspect that their wives know about their affair. They return home and behave like good boys, until the coast is clear and safe enough for a new conquest. Only the foolish, self centred and egoistic men lay everything on the line just to assuage their libido. Such men may call the bluff of their wives, declaring that they will marry the strange woman.

In my case, I learnt at a very early stage of my marriage to keep a low profile. Low profile in the sense that I learnt to pretend that I did not see anything he was doing even when I knew everything. Sometimes, it went on right in my presence.    Most of the time, I just pretend that I did not see him and when he got tired of whatever they are doing together, he crawled    back to me. I remember one particular lady named Iyabo that he was dating at one point.

The affair was very intense and everyone close to us knew her except me. I’d heard stories about her and I was not happy because the stories were heart wrenching. In fact, it got to a stage where they were touting that my husband was going to marry this woman. However, the main story that would have interested me the most, was to hear that he had impregnated the lady. This however never came up in all the rumours. So, I was sure that they was only fooling around as usual.

As the stories poured in, so did advises from friends and foes. I say foes because in situations such as this, you may never be able to tell who your true friends are. Everyone will be giving you different strategies while in actual fact, a lot of them are just waiting and watching to see how you will fall. I’d decided not to ever confront my husband with such a subject. Rather, I will    hatch my own plans and decide on the technique to use.

In the dead of the night one day while we were asleep, I pretended as if I was having a nightmare and started calling the woman’s name, Iyabo! Iyabo! I don’t know you? Why do you want to kill me? What have I done to you? Ha, please help me! Help me!” I was screaming and thrashing about on the bed as if in a struggle with someone.

My husband woke me up, he was really shaken. He wanted me to describe what the woman looked like and what actually happened in the dream.    I described everything to him in the bizarre manner I’d planned it in my head. I asked him if he knew anybody by that name. Though he denied, the truth was written all over him. He had swallowed my acting. We later went back to sleep. End of first episode!

A couple of weeks after, I made up another act. I started shouting the woman’s name again, This time I was very direct and accused her of trying to snatch what belongs to me. I said she was telling me that I just have to leave the seat for her. I asked my husband if he had any idea who the woman was but still denied it. The last part of the play happened very suddenly, unplanned, but it was perfect for what had been going on. Our first child who was a boarding student at a Secondary School then, was brought home very ill. He’d never been that ill before and It was close to his exams too.    I decided to take advantage of the development. In my sleep that night, I woke shouting that God will not grant her victory. That the boy was given to me by God so, no one could take him away from me. When my husband could not take it any longer.

He suddenly began confessing that he knew the lady but had already called things off with her as he was not ready to a second wife. I busted into tears accusing him of exposing    us to danger. I asked why he refused to own up    to the fact that he was having an affair with the woman earlier before things got that stage of her trying to eliminate us. I started begging him to go and marry her so that she can leave us alone in peace.

The whole thing worked like magic. Soon rumours began flowing in that they had parted ways. That my husband had been accusing her of practicing witchcraft to collect money from him, and also forcing him to stay with her even when he’d made up his mind about leaving her. He ran as far as his legs could take him. I did not need to fight either of them, neither did I lose my face over their foolishness. I knew they were wasting their time and I could not join them in wasting mine.

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If a man is fond of wandering off, a woman needs to be wise in and out. Men always believe that they are wise because God made them the head of the family, but a tactful woman will study her man and if God wills, will begin to gain control over him. But what we have these days are women who just go about doing things without finesse. They run into battle without seeking counsel from the elders.”

Hmmm! Words from the elders indeed! Do have a wonderful weekend!!


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